Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Back-to-School Special: How to Suck Up to Teachers for Good Grades


Now I’m sure that you’re easily intelligent enough to get A’s the old-fashioned way— with good ol’ determination, work ethic, and discipline. However, being the creative person that you are, I thought that you might be interested in a more efficient method.

The art of sucking up is not a difficult one to practice and if executed properly, it can boost your grades by up to 15%. And the funny thing is, you don’t have to be an A-student to be able to suck up and better yet, you don’t even have to act like a loser. Here is a guide to getting good grades the creative way, come September:

Make a good first impression.

The psychologists don’t lie. If you make a bad first impression, you’re digging a deep hole for yourself, very early in the year. The first few weeks are the time when it’s most crucial that you’re totally on top of your game. You know the deal: Don’t be late for class, hand in homework, work hard, don’t talk too much in class, etc. etc. If you put on those trusty goody-two shoes (see what I did there?) for the first little while, you’ll be able to establish your image as one of being a perfect student in your teacher’s head.

Then, as the months go by, you’ll be able to slowly fade back out to slacker mode, without too many repercussions.

Volunteer.

In the first few weeks, you’ll want to go all out with the volunteering. Be the first to raise your hand when she asks who wants to take the attendance down or who wants to take the recycling out. First of all, your teacher will automatically think of you as an enthusiastic learner and a responsible person. Further, as an added bonus, your peers will likely interpret that you just want to skip class and won’t treat you like a complete egghead.

Compliment them.

OK, this is a given. For amateurs, there’s always the “nice haircut” line but for the especially ambitious, add some “heart” into it. A girl can definitely get away with something like “I love your outfit today. It really matches well!” A guy should stay away from complimenting a female teacher on her fashion sense… However, if you have a male teacher, “Yo, those shoes are sick!” is not a bad line. Remember, every teacher loves to be respected by his or her students.

And speaking of that, complimenting a teacher on his teaching style or content is always a good idea. Everyone loves to be thought of as good at what they do.

Treat teachers like human beings.

This tip is without a doubt, the granddaddy of them all. This is pretty much the principle that all the other tips are based on. Treating teachers like human beings may be tough, but inside, they crave acceptance just as much as we do. Talk to them coolly and casually; crack some jokes and even ask them a bit about their personal life, (pretending to be) interested. And always talk about what they’re interested in, not what you’re interested in— you’ll be rewarded. If they like classical music, you’d better speak like Beethoven’s your idol.

Treating teachers like people will make them feel that you think of them as a friend, and thus, also feel an obligation not to disappoint you in your grades.

Trust me, this stuff is the real deal.