The first day of school is usually quite tame compared to how madly boring the rest of your year will be. But think of it as a diagnostic test for your school survival instincts and a great way to hone these crucial skills. Here is what you’ll need to do in order to get through the the first day:
STEP #1: Understand the Teacher.
You’ve been given a mission— to get past this year of school unscathed— and the only person in your way is, of course, your teacher. The first day is the best time for you to establish a good scouting report on each of your teachers. For your reference, here is a list of some basic types and the characteristics they will exhibit on the first day:
The Pure Meanie (severuso snapey):
-will likely make a show of how strict he is, perhaps handing out a few punishments
-will introduce about 5362345423 rules (may include “Loud flatulence is prohibited. Hold it in or make use of the “SBD.”)
The “Strict but Fair” (dumbledorio):
-will lecture you on his high expectations and standards
-will also likely try to have a little bit of fun with you, albeit academic fun.
The Nice One (hagrida):
-will play cheesy games with you
-will emphasize getting to know you better or having a positive outlook on school
The Fun One (lupine):
-will be funny
-will have some awesomely creative way to introduce herself and entertain you
STEP #2: Have Some Fun!
Each of these types of teachers will have something planned for the first day. They’ll undoubtedly think it’s super-awesome and really interesting, but unless you’re lucky, you probably won’t. Thus, here’s what you should do with each of the types.
The Pure Meanie:
You do not want to be a pure meanie’s scapegoat on the first day of school, so it would be advised for you not to try too much with this sort of a teacher (sad face). No matter how good your intentions, he’ll make you pay.
The prank to pull: Bring him a pet spider and say it’s a gift from your Uncle Earl. Pure meanies are very “ethical”; they think it’s morally wrong to judge people and will likely accept your gift. (happy face!)
The “Strict but Fair”:
“Strict but fair” teachers love the smart people who ask questions but that doesn’t mean that the C-students can’t have some fun too. Challenge all of his viewpoints if you can, citing made-up statistics to back up your arguments. If he says, “No chewing gum,” you go ahead and say, “Well a recent study by the Harvard University has shown that students who chew gum regularly while doing schoolwork have 34% higher grades. What do you have to say to that?”
The prank to pull: Ask her a bunch of extremely personal questions. As I said, they have a soft side for question-askers.
The Nice One:
With these teachers, you can literally get away with anything on the first day. Take advantage of this opportunity. Find loopholes in all of his cheesy games and complain loudly about them, or just mess them up totally. Talk with your friends, open a bag of chips, etc. etc. Today is your lucky day.
The prank to pull: Pretend to be someone else or better yet, act like a foreign exchange student from Zimbabwe. Again, you can do anything.
The Fun One:
Don’t do anything harsh to these teachers. You can probably have fun without screwing with their heads. Here’s the rule: If they’re cool, don’t be a tool. WHAT A TRIPLE RHYME!!!
OK, so you’re pretty much set. Go out and show those teachers what you got!
